Big

She’s big. There’s not much way to put it politely.

She’s from the South. Or, closer to the South than this little town, anyway; she moved here when she was in seventh grade. And I know, being from the South shouldn’t have anything to do with it, but I’ve read about how obesity is much more common in the South than it is in any of the other states. So, she’s big. I don’t know if she’s obese, but she’s big.

With many girls who are significantly overweight, you look at them and you not only see the largeness of them, you can see all the grief they’ve had to go through for it. In their body language, their downcast eyes. You can see every time they’ve been bullied, every time they’ve been mocked, etched into their faces; you can see the self-loathing in their eyes.

But when you look at her, you see something else.

Yeah, her body is large, but at the same time, her body is beautiful. I mean, I’m straight, but I can appreciate these things. She has beautiful curves and smooth, olivey skin. Her hair is light brown and whooshes down her back, and her eyes are big and brown and pack in a lot of shine.

What she lacks in conventional beauty, she makes up for in boisterousness. Her voice is loud and carries well, and she puts it to use by taking part in the school drama productions. Being a drama kid, she’s extra friendly, extra talkative, and extra huggy. Being her, she’s extra smiley. You’ll rarely, rarely see her without a smile.

And she laughs a lot, too. Even at lame jokes that teachers make, that most kids don’t find funny—She just doesn’t hold back. Her eyes get lost in the smile on her face and she doubles over in her seat and this big, booming laugh comes rollicking out of her—Long and loud enough that often the nastier of the students in class will yell at her, “God, shut up!”

Obviously, she’s been bullied as much as any of the other “fat girls” have—If not more so, for additionally having what some might call an “obnoxious” personality. But she rarely lets it bother her.

I mean, yeah, we all have down days. Some days the mockery and downright bitchiness of everyone here, kids and adults alike, just get to a person. Some days when she gets yelled at, she goes still and quiet and moody. But those days are rare. Most days, she just doesn’t care when she’s mocked.

And it’s not necessarily because she loves her body—She’s told me before that she’s been trying out different diets. She tries not to talk about her size a lot, or even acknowledge it, really. When idiots make fun of her, the last thing she’ll do is snap back with an “I’m Big and I’m Beautiful” rant. I’m sure on the inside, she’s still uncomfortable in her skin. But hell, isn’t everyone?

The difference is, she doesn’t let it show. She doesn’t let it bog her down, as much as others try. When she gets yelled at in class for talking, for laughing, for being herself, be it by other kids or by the teacher, she just smiles, says sorry, stifles her laugh, and moves on, that smile still hovering round the corners of her mouth.